How I overcame panic attacks, a mental breakdown, and severe hormonal imbalances to start healing my body.

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Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or medical professional. My views and writing represent the opinion of myself and only myself. It is not recommended to use these stories and experiences as medical advice for diagnosing for yourself. Please seek out a medical representative to best address health concerns you may have.

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For many women and girls, hormonal birth control has served as a reprieve and sometimes even medical necessity for addressing health concerns related to hormones and menstruation. However, given the limited research available on women’s health, is this the best way to address the myriads of symptoms women experience as part of their changing hormones and health? I found myself wondering this in my early 30s as I started to experience my own health issues, leading me to stop taking birth control. What followed was the most unexpected and challenging experience of my life.

I had been on birth control for over 10 years and in 2023 I started to question if it was still the right choice for me. I was on a mission to heal myself with holistic approaches, because I had a previous medical experience that made me realize how synthetic drugs could do more harm than good. I wanted to get off all synthetic medication and get my body back to a “baseline state”, where it wasn’t operating under the guise of lab-produced drugs. I had been dealing with acne, hair loss, and almost non-existent periods, among many other issues. I couldn’t tell which symptoms were the side effects of a drug and which ones were caused by true deficiencies. So, in the spring of 2023, when my period never came, I took that as a sign that it was time to try something new.

How I Started Taking a Hormonal Contraceptive

I started taking birth control at the age of 18. I had just started college and had been experiencing extremely painful periods with severe hemorrhaging, causing me to miss classes. The pain would be so bad I couldn’t stand up straight and I would bleed through every line of defense I had, ultimately needing to replace my sheets daily. I saw the school doctor on campus and they recommended I go on birth control to help with the symptoms. I thought this would be a good choice since I had just gotten into a serious relationship and wanted to have extra protection. I got the prescription for a moderate hormonal birth control, and it helped. Things calmed down and my sheets were spared.

Fast-forward about 7 years and I was still taking the same pill with little to no issues until I started getting painful cystic acne, as well as patches of blackheads that would sit like little bumps underneath my skin on my chin. I tried all the things; switching my face wash and skin care, swapping out my pillowcase regularly, changing my shampoo, but nothing worked. I mentioned the acne to my OBGYN and she recommended I go on a stronger birth control pill to help better regulate my hormones. She called it “the beauty pill”, but it’s more commonly known as Apri. I began taking it and it helped with the cystic acne, until 2023.

Symptoms of the First Year

When I decided to stop taking hormonal birth control, I was very concerned about what symptoms I would experience. Having been on it for 13 years, I knew my symptoms would likely be more intense. Doctors told me to give it a good six months to one year to allow my hormones to get back to normal, but what did that even mean? For the first time I was starting to get curious about what this medication was doing to my body, but doctors couldn’t give me an answer. What was actually going on in my body? No one could tell me. I knew that it helped prevent pregnancy and regulate my hormones, but what was this pill doing to my body each day I took it?

I was scared that the hormonal issues I had as a teenager, that led me to go on birth control thirteen years prior, would come back and, knowing the potential pain I could endure, I decided to research so I could best prepare myself. I did a few Google searches and found some Reddit forums where women shared anecdotal information about what they experienced but still nothing significant. The only medically backed information seemed to make light of the entire situation, saying things like “you may experience some brain fog, exhaustion, and irregular periods”, leading me to think that maybe I was just being too dramatic about this.

It turns out I was not.

The first year after stopping the pill was one of the most intense and challenging years in my existence as a woman. It made me realize how lacking our western medical system is when it comes to women’s health and how limited the information is that we do have. What I experienced was unlike any of the symptoms I had found in my research, and while I may be an outlier in this scenario, I have to imagine there are other women like me who suffer in silence. No one could definitively tell me what would happen to my body when going off the pill, and had I known what I know now I would have reconsidered my decision to start taking it when I was 18. I’m here to break the cycle of keeping this topic taboo. I’m here to share my story and what I experienced in a monthly recount of the first year after stopping hormonal birth control, in hopes that I can help other women take back their health.

Month 1 – April 2023

Symptoms: Brain fog, exhaustion, migraines and no period

Activities: Weightlifting, yoga, some running

Diet: High protein, high fiber, low fat

After the first week of stopping the pill, I had no period but started experiencing intense brain fog, migraines, and exhaustion. I had to skip working out for a couple weeks because I just didn’t have the energy. Work was more difficult to manage, because I felt like I couldn’t keep track of things.

Month 2 – May 2023

Symptoms: Acne and no period

Activities: Weightlifting, yoga, some running

Diet: High protein, high fiber, low fat

The exhaustion began to subside at this point, and I was able to return to the gym after about two weeks of limited or no exercise. However, I started getting more acne as I got further out, and it became very frustrating. It started with mostly blackheads sitting underneath the skin, covering most of my face but predominantly on my chin and forehead.

Dermatologist Visit: During this time, I saw my dermatologist who had previously recommended common acne medications like Tretinoin, Spironolactone, and Hydroquinone, but I didn’t want to use medication to address this. After hearing that I had stopped birth control, they recommended that I wait six months to see if the acne goes away as my hormones start to regulate themselves.

Month 3 – June 2023

Symptoms: Acne, anxiety, night sweats, and no period

Activities: Weightlifting, yoga, some running

Diet: High protein, high fiber, low fat

The acne persisted, and I began developing intense bouts of anxiety that felt uncontrollable. I was constantly feeling overwhelmed, and my heart rate was frequently elevated. I’d wake up with anxious thoughts running through my brain and struggled to get adequate sleep, waking up in the middle of the night sweating and heart racing.

Month 4 – July 2023

Symptoms: Acne, cystic acne, anxiety, panic attacks, night sweats, low energy, and irregular period

Activities: Limited exercise

Diet: Inconsistent

I got my period for the first time since stopping the birth control, which was accompanied by my first panic attack, as well as the start of cystic acne. I also began feeling low energy again, but this was different. I would crash in the late afternoon, feeling like I could go to bed and sleep until the next day, and oftentimes I would. I began exercising less due to lack of energy and the intense anxiety I was experiencing. The panic attacks made me feel out of control and left my heart rate significantly elevated. 

“It was a very surreal feeling, almost like I was not inside my body. I felt so out of control that I thought I was going crazy. “

Month 5 – August 2023

Symptoms: Acne, cystic acne, anxiety, paranoia, panic attacks, night sweats, low energy, body aches, joint pain, and irregular period

Activities: No exercise

Diet: Inconsistent

I began having panic attacks regularly and the anxiety became so intense that I started feeling disconnected from my body. It was a very surreal feeling, almost like I was not inside my body. I felt so out of control that I thought I was going crazy. My mental health was at an all-time low and my mood swings were unlike anything I had ever experienced before. One minute I would want to cuddle with my partner and the next I’d feel intense paranoia toward them. I didn’t want to leave my house; I didn’t want to see friends. I began feeling paranoid about everyone I was close with and felt like I couldn’t trust anyone. I didn’t feel safe.

At night I would break out into intense sweats that came on so swiftly, I would need to shower and change my sheets because of how soaked I would get. I was continuing to feel the late afternoon energy crash and started experiencing body aches and joint pain. It was almost like I had a fever, without the high temperature. I ended up having a nervous breakdown at work that led me to take a leave of absence, so that I could address what was going on with my body.

At the time, I didn’t realize that hormones played a major role in just about every aspect of our health, from our mental and emotional well-being to our bowel movements and sleep quality. I thought the anxiety and paranoia was a product of my own past trauma and saw it as a separate thing from my hormones. It was my therapist who first suggested that my hormones might be playing a role in everything I was experiencing and recommended that I have labs done.

I started with my primary doctor, asking them to run in-depth labs on my hormones, but everything came back normal. I didn’t understand how this could be when I was feeling so awful. I was frustrated because it made me feel like what I was experiencing wasn’t real and made me wonder if it was all in my head. But it wasn’t.

It was at this time that I began learning about alternative health care like functional medicine and other testing methods to evaluate hormone levels. As I researched more in this area, I began finding practitioners who were talking about women’s health and the effects of birth control through their own platforms. They were using testing methods like the DUTCH test and in-depth labs administered at certain times during their cycle, to understand their patient’s hormone levels. These were things that my primary care physician was not aware of and therefore had not prescribed them. These practitioners were educating women on what birth control was actually doing to our bodies, which is when I learned that hormonal birth control is synthetic hormones in pill-form. It gives our bodies the appropriate amount needed for the rest of the body to function properly. But if our body is getting these synthetically, then it no longer produces hormones on its own, thus preventing our bodies from learning how to self-regulate. The moment I learned this; I was stunned.

Thirteen years. THIRTEEN YEARS of my body not producing hormones on its own. Thirteen years of relying on synthetic hormones to give my body what it needed to function properly. It was at this moment that I realized this process was going to take more than 6 months or even a year.

This information began opening up a whole other world of information for me to better understand my body and was the catalyst for what would begin my educational journey on women’s health.

Month 6 – September 2023

Symptoms: Acne, cystic acne, anxiety, panic attacks, night sweats, low energy, and irregular period

Activities: Weight-lifting and yoga

Diet: Balanced; high protein and fiber

Having time away from work gave my nervous system a reprieve, allowing me to focus on sorting out my health issues. I started working back into a consistent routine with exercising and eating a balanced diet and the body aches and joint pain began to subside. I began practicing daily meditation and breathing exercises to alleviate the anxiety and paranoia and minimized the panic attacks. I was still dealing with awful acne, my period was still irregular, coming every other month or so, and the rest of my symptoms still persisted, but I started to feel like I was more in control.

I knew I was lucky to be able to take medical leave from work as most people don’t have this luxury, so I wanted to make the most of the time I had. I began voraciously consuming any and all information I could find on women’s health and hormones, listening to podcasts, reading books, and talking to the women in my life, including my mother. After learning of her experience with her first panic attacks and a sudden onset of anxiety at the start of menopause, I knew I wasn’t alone and that there was more to be discovered about how significantly our hormones affect the rest of our health. 

OBGYN Visit: When I saw my OBGYN that month for my yearly exam, I shared with her everything I had been experiencing. I told her about my anxiety and panic attacks, my acne, and lack of sleep. She questioned my reasoning for wanting to get off hormonal birth control, recommending I get back on it to address the issues I was dealing with. When I told her my reasoning for no longer wanting to take it, she smirked, rolled her eyes, and continued to pressure me into getting back on birth control. She made it seem like this was the only answer to addressing my symptoms. I couldn’t understand why she was pushing so hard for me to take the damn birth control. It was as if she had a stake in me taking the prescription as well. I told her I wanted to get additional hormone testing done to understand where my levels were at before taking a prescription. At that moment, she left the examination room and came back with a textbook and opened it to a page with a graph depicting the two hormonal phases of a women’s cycle and the fluctuation changes during each. She said, “This is what the hormone cycle looks like for all women, there’s no test that is going to tell you anything different than this.” In that moment I realized she didn’t get it, and she wasn’t going to. I remained quiet for the rest of the visit as she proceeded to offer other medications to address my symptoms. Antidepressants for my anxiety and progesterone for my irregular period. I left and ripped up the prescriptions when I got home.

Month 7 – October 2023

Symptoms: Acne, cystic acne, night sweats, low energy, and irregular period

Activities: Weight-lifting and yoga

Diet: Balanced; high protein and fiber

I continued to maintain my routines with exercise, diet, and meditation which helped minimize the anxiety. The panic attacks also ended completely, and the night sweats became less intense and less frequent. Things continued to feel a little more regular, despite still dealing with severe acne, low energy and an irregular period, but I felt that the DUTCH test could help provide more intel to these symptoms.

I knew I wanted to begin working with a naturopathic doctor who could help administer the DUTCH test and translate the results, as well as recommend additional testing if necessary. I believed there was a way to address the issues I was experiencing without using synthetic drugs and instead through lifestyle and dietary changes.

Month 8 – November 2023

Symptoms: Acne, cystic acne, night sweats, low energy, and irregular period

Activities: Weight-lifting and yoga

Diet: Balanced; high protein and fiber

The acne persisted and I started to experience dry scaly textured skin as the cold weather set in. I had lived in the northeast all my life and dealt with my fair share of dry skin, but this was unlike anything I had experienced before and made me feel even more self-conscious. I stopped wearing makeup because it would feel so awful on my skin, drying it out no matter how dewy or hydrating it claimed to be. My skin felt tight, itchy, and dehydrated. I was physically uncomfortable. In addition, I was still feeling low energy and struggled to get consistent sleep. On days that I would exercise it felt like my workout was ten times harder than it actually was. I would spend the entire day feeling physically and mentally drained.

DUTCH Report: The DUTCH test revealed significant imbalances with my hormone levels, the most notable being severely low progesterone, high testosterone and low estradiol. It also showed imbalances with my cortisol, melatonin, dopamine and adrenal glands. The naturopath walked me through what each of these markers meant and what caused them to be out of balance. As a result, they prescribed supplements and some dietary changes to help support and improve those imbalances, which would ultimately help the function of the body overall. They also recommended additional blood work to look at the thyroid function because I had been experiencing hair loss and dry skin and was previously diagnosed with an auto-immune disease. I ordered the supplements immediately and began implementing the dietary changes.

Month 9 – December 2023

Symptoms: Acne, cystic acne, dry skin, and irregular period

Activities: Weight-lifting and yoga

Diet: Balanced; high protein and fiber

Within a week after starting the supplements I noticed a significant improvement in my energy and sleep. I was no longer crashing at 4pm and the night sweats had stopped. The sudden change from being constantly exhausted one day to having what felt like endless energy the next was euphoric. I had become so accustomed to feeling constant fatigue that it became a natural state for me. When I began taking the supplements, it felt like I had a new lease on life, I felt like a new woman.

I still didn’t have a period, and the acne was still present, but I knew this would take longer to fix. I remained patient and kept focusing on taking the supplements consistently and adjusting my diet accordingly.    

Month 10 – January 2024

Symptoms: Acne, cystic acne, dry skin, and irregular period

Activities: Weight-lifting and yoga

Diet: Balanced; high protein and fiber

I finally got my period and WOAH MOMMA, what an entrance. I had the most intense menstruation symptoms. It was like my body hadn’t menstruated in years and it was letting it all out now. I was so exhausted I couldn’t stand up without getting dizzy and lightheaded. The pain was intolerable as well, but I managed it with Midol and marijuana. My body odor stank like nothing I had ever smelled before, my god, and the flow was so heavy I was changing my tampon every 4 hours. Despite all of this I had this inner sense that things were more regulated now and my period was here to stay.

In addition to all of this, my skin was becoming even more dry. No matter how much moisturizer I used or how much I humidified the air in my house, my skin remained extremely dry.

Thyroid Lab Results: My naturopath had run additional labs to check my thyroid and found that I had Hashimoto’s disease. I had previously been diagnosed with this after I found out I had Crohn’s disease in 2019, but my doctor at the time said there was nothing that could be done to address it and was likely caused by Crohn’s. Now, my naturopath was prescribing additional supplements and dietary changes that would help improve thyroid function and the skin and hair issues I was dealing with as well. I began incorporating these changes into my life and we planned to run these labs again in three months to see if things had improved.

Month 11 – February 2024

Symptoms: Acne, cystic acne, and dry skin

Activities: Weight-lifting and yoga

Diet: Balanced; high protein and fiber

I got my period on time, for the second month in a row and the symptoms were much less intense. I also started cooking for each phase of my cycle based on what my body needed at that time, and I find that this helps alleviate some of the negative PMS symptoms I am dealing with. The acne is still persistent and my skin extremely dry, but I know with the recent additions of supplements and dietary changes these issues will hopefully begin to subside.

Month 12 – March 2024

Symptoms: Acne, cystic acne, and dry skin

Activities: Weight-lifting and yoga

Diet: Balanced; high protein and fiber

My period came a week late and I attributed it to acute stress that I was dealing with at my job. Despite this, things continued to feel regulated. My PMS symptoms lessened, and I was feeling more in touch with my body than I ever had before. I began to notice how my mood, energy, and hunger fluctuated throughout my cycle and I started getting better at planning things accordingly. During my follicular and ovulation days I would plan to have more intense workouts and spend more time with friends because of my increased energy. When I was in my luteal and menstruation phases I’d limit my exercise and prioritize more alone time because my body and brain craved calmness and rest. Leading up to menstruation I would make a healthy dessert because I knew the cravings would come and if I didn’t have something readily available, I’d reach for a much unhealthier option. The more I made choices that prioritized my body, the more connected I felt to it, allowing me to better tap into my intuition and internal voice.

What I Learned & What’s Next

Going off hormonal birth control was the best choice I made for myself, because it was disconnecting me from my body. I think back to when I started this journey and I had no sense of where I was in my cycle, what was causing the symptoms I was experiencing, or what my body needed from day to day. Without producing its own hormones, it couldn’t reveal what parts and functions needed support. The pill masked many of the underlying problems I was experiencing, which I believe is why my symptoms were so intense. I also didn’t have a good grasp on my emotions. I couldn’t decipher between feelings of irritability and anxiety, anger and exasperation, or excitement and agitation. Removing the pharmaceutical shroud that was blurring all these sensations allowed my body the space and capacity to tell me what it needed.

I understand that for many, hormonal birth control can be a godsend. It can provide significant relief for women who are experiencing unexplained hormonal changes that are affecting their ability to live their lives pain free. It can be a safety net during times of learning and experimenting with our bodies. But after everything I went through, I wonder how things would be different. If instead of the campus doctor prescribing birth control when I was 18, they ran labs to identify what the true cause of all these symptoms were, would I have chosen birth control at all, or would I have found a better way to address what I was dealing with? It seems so unnatural to me that we go on these synthetic hormones at a young age when our bodies should be learning how to produce and regulate these hormones on their own. We spend years taking them until we’re ready to come off and then all these symptoms that were masked for so long begin to come to the surface.

I’m not a practitioner nor am I qualified to give health advice in any capacity, but the only way I was able to address my problems was by learning from other women’s experiences and drawing connections. This allowed me to become more informed about my own health and start advocating for myself. I can’t imagine where I would be if I never learned about the alternative testing methods that helped address my symptoms and heal my body, so I am sharing my health journey with the hope that I can help other women experiencing similar issues. If you like this content and want to hear more, you can subscribe to my newsletter where you can be notified of future posts and stories that I share about my journey.